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Sunday, July 31, 2005

Stupidity Wars

Those of you with kids, especially more than one know how frazzled and tired a person can get when on an outing with the kids. This can lead to stupid things both said and done. Ed and I experienced this very thing this weekend.

We decided to spend Saturday out with the girls since I start school again on Monday. We had their pictures made, then went to a ceramic shop to relax and paint some pieces.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a car with military plates. I remarked to Ed that this was strange because I saw a different car just the day before with military plates parked in almost the exact same spot.

He looked at me and said, "Maria, do you think that maybe there are military vehicles here because we are parked in front of an Army/Marines recruiting station?" In my defense, I had completely forgotten about said recruiting station being there.

Stupidity Wars
Maria 1
Ed 0

Later, as we were leaving the ceramic shop, we were waiting to check out after we painted. Anna was looking through a book, not paying attention, and started walking out of the door with another family. As I called her back to us, Ed looked at me with wide-eyed panic and asked, "Where's Cassie?" I thought he was joking. I just stared back at him until I realized that he was serious. "Um, Ed, wouldn't that be Cassie sitting on your left hip?"

Stupidity Wars
Maria 1
Ed 1

With the insanity of school, work, kids, and football season (Ed's still coaching), I'm sure there will be more scoring between the two of us. I just hope I end up the loser.

My (Almost) Angels

We had these made at a local portrait studio this weekend. The quality is awful because I had to take pictures of the proofs with my own camera since my scanner isn't working. I think I'm going to get the one of Anna kissing Cassie in black and white, and have color accents put in the flower halos. What do ya'll think?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

100 Things About Me

1. I am tall (5'10")

2. My husband is not (5'7")

3. I used to be a teacher, but I am now studying to be a nurse.

4. I didn't qut teaching because of the kids, it was mostly the parents that annoyed me (among several other things).

5. I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). There is absolutely no way I could have made it through a year of nursing school without my medication. So, Mr.I Know-It-All-Even-Though-I-Was-Gullible-Enough-To-Join-A-Cult-Cruise, you can just suck it.

6. Even though she's too young to even understand, I credit my daughter Anna with saving my marriage.

7. I look good in red.

8. I have horrible arachnaphobia. I once passed out when a spider drifted down from the ceiling on his web and stopped in front of my face.

9. This fear has been a source of amusement for my family and friends. Assholes.

10. I cannot eat crab or lobster because they remind me of spiders.

11. I like to scrapbook. Bite me Carrie.

12. I feel guilty for working. I would love to be every feminist's worst and pregnant, cooking, cleaning and fetching a beer from the fridge for the hubby after a long day at work.

13. In the next 5 years, I hope to move to Alaska. It's not all igloos and eskimos you know.

14. I had a "quickie" wedding in Vegas at the same place Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra married.

15. Oh dear Lord, I hope my father never reads this.

16. No, I wasn't drunk. Just being crazy.

17. I was married again six months later in a "proper" fashion, complete with church, minister, and family who still have no clue about the Vegas wedding.

18. I complain about the horrible things parents let their children watch, but I've been known to allow my own to watch mind-numbing garbage like Spongebob Squarepants and Fairly Odd Parents every now and then, because I like to watch them myself.

19. Yes, I can be a hypocrite sometimes.

20. I believe in God, Jesus, the whole shebang.

21. I do not believe in organized religion because I haven't found a church yet that isn't focused on money, judging people, or doesn't believe that all other denominations and religions are going to Hell.

22. I fully believe in the power of prayer.

23. I once went 2 years without speaking to my mother. Believe me, she deserved it.

24. We have a great relationship now. That whole forgivness thing isn't so bad.

25. I'm getting way too deep here.

26. I am addicted to Taco Bell.

27. I partially blame Taco Bell for the 40 lbs. I gained in college.

28. I lay the rest of the blame on all of the alcohol I consumed.

29. I was once engaged to someone for almost 4 years, then broke off the engagement about a month before the wedding.

30. I met and married my husband less than 6 months later.

31. I can't believe I almost divorced him.

32. I obviously used to have serious committment issues.

33. My parents went through a horrible, nasty divorce which I contribute to said committment issues.

34. Obviously, commitment issues have been tossed out the window and replaced with new issues.

35. I am terrified of someone kidnapping my daughters. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night just to make sure someone didn't manage to break in and take them.

36. I was almost kidnapped when I was 10. I was lucky enough to get away.

37. Because I saw firsthand what drugs did to people I know, I've never touched them.

38. I wish I could say the same for my brother.

39. I still have notes that my girlfriends and I passed in jr. high.

40. I can't remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but I can still name almost every kid in my 1st grade class.

41. Before I got married I dated the following: A guy who did the Extreme Fighting thing, a Harvard Law graduate (pretentious bastard), a few average Joe's, and a stripper.

42. In my defense, he didn't tell me about the stripping thing until later. We broke up soon after.

43. I would like another child.

44. No I don't

45. Yes I do.

46. I can't decide if I want to add another child to the madness that is this world.

47. Are you kidding me?? I'm only at forty-freaking-seven???

48. I am a slob by nature. The rooms that other people can see are usually clean. My bedroom, on the other hand, is frightning.

49. My husband, by nature, is a neat freak. This used to be a source of many, many fights between us.

50. He gave up.

51. I couldn't care less about winning millions in the lottery. If I won enough to pay my bills off, I would be deliriously happy.

52. This will never happen because I don't buy lottery tickets.

53. I buy Taco Bell instead.

54. I used to play the violin.

55. I would love to play again, but it's been so long, I would have to learn how all over again.

56. Even though I'm a junk food junkie (and a hypocrite),I rarely let the girls have it.

57. Soda, juice, chips, etc. are rare treats for my kids, not the norm.

58. I can't wait until George Bush is out of office.

59. After I lose about 50 lbs. I plan to have a tummy tuck.

60. I've said that I'm going to lose 50 lbs. for about 10 years now.

61. I cuss like a sailor when I'm writing, but rarely cuss when I'm talking. Well, unless I'm mad, or have had a few drinks.

62. I do not cuss in front of my kids. They repeat EVERYTHING!

63. I have 3 tattoos.

64. My dad was with me when I got my first one. He got his first one at the same time.

65. No, we are not white trash.

66. I got my last one with my dad, stepmom, stepsister and husband.

67. We all got inked that day.

68. Again, I assure you, we are not white trash.

69. Some days I wish I would have never gotten any tattoos.

70. Other days, I love them.

71. My belly button used to be pierced, but then I got fat and took it out.

72. People I knew in high school were shocked that I got tattoos and pierced because I was always the "good girl" in school.

73. These people obviously didn't hang around me when I entered college the first time.

74. I hate it that Ed has to go back to work (teaching) in August, because he has to shave off his goatee.

75. I wish he would quit coaching, he's never home during football season.

76. When I was little, I hated my nice straight teeth because I wanted braces like my friends.

77. That was lame, but I'm running out of things to write here.

78. I've been in 3 fights.

79. All of them were in jr. high, before I moved to TX and became the "good girl".

80. I won two of them, but lost one because it was 2 on 1. Chicken shit bitches.

81. I started one of the fights because I wanted to get suspended so I wouldn't have to go to school the next day.

82. The one I started was with one of the girls in the 2 on 1 fight. I kicked her ass when I found her alone in the girls bathroom a few weeks after the 2 on 1.

83. Even though this occurred 17 years ago, I still feel bad about it.

84. Dammit, I'm still not at 100?

85. Why didn't I just do "50 Things About Me"???

86. Some of the coolest people I know, I've never met.

87. I'm finally going to meet a few of them in Chicago soon!

88. I'm sick of school.

89. When I got my BS in Education, I swore I was through with college.

90. I change my mind a lot.

91. I love rum.

92. A lot.

93. I want rum right now.

94. But I'm home alone with the girls, and it just wouldn't be a very good idea.

95. Almost there.

96. I've never had a real tan. It's not for lack of trying, I just can't. I stay pasty white pretty much year round, and honestly, I don't care.

97. My brother can walk outside and have a tan in 2 seconds (OK it just seems like 2 seconds).

98. Someone reading this may actually hunt me down and kill me for saying this, but I liked Charlie and the Chocolate factory better than Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory.

99. I have many neurotic issues, I'm in debt up to my ears, and things are just plain crazy for me right now, but I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything.

100. Yeeeeee Haaaaaaaw I'm done!

Monday, July 25, 2005

If He Wasn't Such a Wonderful Husband, I Would Totally Have to Kick His Ass

My day started of with a bang. Literally. I was cancelled last night, meaning I got the night off, so I was in bed at 7:30 this morning when it started...BANG BANG BANG! My first thought was, "Dammit Ed, just because you have to get up at the ass crack of dawn, doesn't mean you have to wake up the whole house!" BANG BANG BANG!

Since I stayed up late last night (had to give Ed a proper send off for his out of town trip wink wink), I was still pretty groggy as I tried to figure out where all the noise was coming from. BANG BANG BANG! The noise seemed to surround me. The next thing I heard was Anna yelling, "Stop it Cassie! I'm trying to sleep!" BANG BANG BANG!

I bolted to the girls room to see what in the world my child was doing to make such a racket. Somehow, Cassie was sleeping soundly. BANG BANG BANG! Then it hit me. It was coming from the roof.

Completely confused, a little scared, and half naked, I ran out of my front door to find out just what the hell was going on. My neighbor's handyman father was on our roof, replacing the shingles that were blown off during the last big storm we had.

Guess who forgot to tell me that said handyman would be coming this morning? And he had the nerve to laugh at me when I called him while he was on his way to San Antonio, completely out of reach for me to strangle him.

In other news, I'm pissed that I didn't get to work last night, as this will completely screw up my next paycheck. I was going to work last night, then take 2 vacation days this week, so that I could have today through Sunday off before I start school again on Monday. Oh well.

Today, I will be heading to the craft store with the girls to buy "jewels". We are going to make crowns, put on makeup and be frilly girly girls while Ed is out of town. God, I love having daughters. I will be taking many pictures.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

A Little Bit of Nothing, With a Few Pics Just to Spice Things Up

Not much going on in the land of Maria. Tonight will be my fourth and last 12 hour shift in a row. The last one is always the worst, because it just seems to draaaag on and on.

I'll post and catch up on everyone else's blog tomorrow. I'll be staying up after I get home in the morning because Ed is going out of town as soon as I get off, and the girls will be home. I just LOVE the days I have to stay up 24+ hours.

In the meantime, here are some VERY belated 4th of July Pics (Yes, I dressed the girls alike. Bite me.)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

This is Probably the Lamest Thing I Will Ever Write About

OK, so we're at Pizza Hut with some friends last night, and we get the usual pizza we always get. Whenever I order, I tell them we want Canadian bacon on the whole thing, and to add pineapple to half of it.

Well, Ed ordered it this time since I was in the bathroom helping the girls wash their hands. Apparantly his exact order was: We would like a large Canadian bacon, half pinapple. Then he got pissed when the teenage waitress brought out a large half Canadian bacon, half pinapple pizza.

First of all, when dealing with a teenager, you have to be very specific. Second, always make them read the order back. He actually got mad at me because I said that I could see where the mix-up occured, and that I should have backed him on it.

Sorry buddy, I'll back you on it when you ORDER IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Yet Another Post About A Pet

It's official...Lucy ruptured her internal stitches. And we were so careful too. No letting her run, or jump, or eat, or breathe. Ok, so we let her eat and breath, but only minimally so. My only guess is that she jumped on the couch in the middle of the night, which is something I've caught her doing before.

I just spoke with her veterinarian on the phone. He did the surgery this morning and she came through just fine. She's awake now and will be able to come home tomorrow morning. My poor baby. I'll have to run to the pet store today and pick her up a nice big flavored bone.

Lucy is one of the best dogs I've ever owned. We've only had her about a year and a half but it seems like she's been a part of our family forever. Before bringing her home, Ed noticed her hanging around the school he teaches at. He didn't pay much attention, as there is always dogs hanging around the school. One day, he realized that he hadn't seen her in a while but soon forgot all about her.

After a couple of months, he saw her again, but by this time she looked like she'd been through the wringer. She was ragged and emaciated. He finally got her to come to him and he decided to bring her home. We fed and watered her, and slowly, she came to life. Once she was in our home for a few days, she began to show her sweet and loving personality. She is very much a people person, and cannot stand to be by herself. We always have to be within her eyesight. I attribute this to her time as a stray.

Our only trouble with her has been the digging. Oh, the endless digging this dog can do. We're hoping that having her spayed will help, but she's a roamer by nature. I hate the fact that we have to chain her in the dog run when we put her out. If we don't, she digs her way out and wanders the neighborhood. Fortunately, we don't have to worry about this too much since she's mostly an indoor dog.

I can't wait to pick Lucy up tomorrow. My poor baby is going to get spoiled like crazy. She's also going to be sleeping in the bedroom for the next 2 weeks to keep her from jumping again.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I'm No Dr. Dolittle

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have had to call or take one pet or another to the vet in the last 2 weeks. I wouldn't be rich, but I could buy a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, and a Snickers bar.

First up is Earl, the rabbit I bought after pleading gulity to involuntary birdslaughter. I decided to call the vet after having him for a few days because he wasn't eating much. I was told that Earl's lack of appetite was likely due to the stress of changing homes, and to just give it a few days. The day after I called, Earl was lethargic, the rims of his eyes were red, and he was extremely dehydrated.

I hauled his furry butt to the vet, who proceded to tell me that Earl was very sick and would likely not even make it through the night. His illness was probably something he had when we bought him, so we had 3 options: a) leave him at the vet to spare the girls seeing him die, b)take him back to the pet store to exchange him, and they would just deal with him, or c) take him home after getting some fluids put in him and see what happens. I just couldn't ditch the poor thing, so I decided to take him. The vet sent us home with an antibiotic just to see if it might help.

That antibiotic worked wonders. Within 2 days, Earl was hopping around the house and back to being a happy baby bunny. I took him back to the vet clinic so they could see him, and nobody could believe it was the same rabbit.

Enough of the sweet crap, on to animal #2. We had Lucy spayed this past weekend. I picked her up on Saturday, and other than being a little sore, she was just fine. Yesterday, as I was inspecting her stitches, I noticed a lump...a big one at that. So, yet again, I made a call to the vet who thinks that Lucy has probably ruptured her internal stitches.

So, now I'm taking her at 3 p.m. today to have them look at it, and probably have to do another surgery to redo everything. Poor dog.

Screw nursing school. I think I've learned enough over the last few weeks to become a vet.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Oh, The Trauma

My poor friend Susie blogged today about how she is having her wisdom teeth taken out. I wish that I could give her words of encouragement, but all I have to go by is my own experience.

I was a senior in high school when I had to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed. The dentist pulled two of the teeth, but had to shatter the other two to remove them. By the time I left the dentist, both sides of my face were already looking like I'd just lost a fight. I was swollen like a chipmunk and bruised.

Since I was still flying high from the anesthesia, I didn't care when my dad brought up the idea of going to Dairy Queen for something to eat. I hand't eaten anything all day and icecream sounded wonderful at the time.

As my dad sat and tortured me by telling how great his hamburger was, I sat like an infant trying to figure out how to shove a spoon into my mouth. The problem was that a) I was high and b) my face, mouth, and tongue were all still completely numb.

So, as I sat jabbing my spoon everywhere but my mouth, ice cream dripping down my chin, four super hot guys sat staring at me from the table next to us. Instead of ignoring them or actually telling them what my problem was, Dad says this:

"What's the matter guys, haven't you ever seen a retarded person before?"

And you people wonder why I have issues.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


Thanks for this link Leesa.

I am an ENFP and as I read the description
out loud, Ed remarked that it described me almost perfectly.

Very interesting...check it out!

This is What Happens When I Leave My Kids Alone For A Few Minutes To Post

Just For You ibrett

Lucy and our latest victim, Earl.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Let the Hate Mail Begin

I am a bird killer. Yes, you read right...a certifiable killer of poor, defensless little cute birdies.

Sleepwalking through PetsMart after being awake for over 24 hours, I had the brilliant idea of getting a parakeet. I had two when I was a little girl and I thought it would be neat-o to have one again.

Did I mention that we already have a cat and a dog? Oh yeah, by the way, we have a cat and a dog. The perfect pets to have in the same house with a defensless little bird.

So, we have this bird for about a week and all is well. He was adjusting to his new surroundings, and we were doing well with the finger-training (getting him to sit on our fingers). Zoe, our cat, eyeballed the cage every now and then, but believe me, her fat ass is entirely too lazy to catch her food. I'm serious, this cat is the biggest, laziest animal I've ever owned. The only time I ever see this animal run is when she sees me with a bowl of cereal. Only then does she haul ass faster than Tom Cruise when he hears that Xenu, the intergalactic ruler of Scientology folklore, has returned to Earth to haul his crazy ass back to planet Dipshit.

Clearly, my ADD meds have worn off...back to the bird. Since we had brought Cocorico home (Anna named him, not me) we had been giving him time out of his cage. When we did this, Zoe got kicked outside, and Lucy (our dog) would either be shut in another room, or kicked outside as well.

The last time I let the poor bird out, I kicked the cat out, and thought Lucy was already outside. I was wrong. Lucy was sleeping in my bedroom. The bird was climbing on the outside of his cage and tweeting away as I washed dishes. All the noise got Lucy's attention, and at the same time she entered the kitchen, Cocorico flew down from his cage and on to the floor. Lucy ran up to him but immediately backed off when I yelled at her. When I looked at Coco, he had already keeled over, presumabaly from a heart attack. Lucy had not bitten him, but had scared the crap out of him.

Out of guilt, I cried the rest of the day and tried to figure out how to tell the girls that their mother is a bird murderer. I decided to pull the old switch-a-roo and get another bird that looked just like Coco.

I searched every pet store in this town, but couldn't find one that was about the same in age (I wanted a young one, since older ones are harder to train). Just as I was about to give up, I got another brilliant idea.

We are now the proud owner of a little grey dwarf bunny named Earl (or Bob, depending on who is talking to him). All is well so far. Zoe is scared of him, and Lucy has found a new buddy, although Ed thinks she is just being nice to Earl until we drop him into her food bowl.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

It's On Like Donkey Kong

Cheeky recently posted about "The Picture". The picture that she looks back on, unable to believe she was ever that big. (Angela, you are an amazing ya girl!)

Yesterday, while going through shots taken by a friend, I found MY picture, only it wasn't one from the past. It was one taken the day before. It took all I had not to cry, and I begged her to delete it from her camera.

I am not morbidly obese, and in no way am I one of those people of average or even skinny size who sit around whining, "I'm so fat!" I am overweight by about 50 lbs. I have no desire to be "thin" because I never will be, I'm just not built that way. I want to be healthy, feel good, and look good (by look good, I don't mean skinny).

It was this picture that made me realize that those pounds that I've gained over the last 10 years DO show, and not just a little. It was one of those HOLY SHIT wake-up calls.

It's time to get serious. I've got 50 lbs. to lose and all past attempts were a joke. I'm going to start making a REAL effort.

Right after I finish this Poptart.

Oh, cut me some slack people...I'm PMS'ing. Chocolate and other sugary treats are essential in keeping my sanity intact over the next day or two. Besides, I'm going to the gym in a few minutes to make up for it.