Sleep Deprived

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Yup, Mommy is Going to Hell and She's Taking the Rum With Her

Church Lady: "We're so glad your girls are able to come to our Vacation Bible School this week! Where do you usually attend church?"

Me: "Ummm..." Cheeks turning beet red as I frantically try to remember the name of the church we've gone to maybe 3 times in the seven years we have lived here. "Well, we sometimes attend ______ Baptist."

Anna: "What are you talking about Mama? We never go to church!" Turns back to Church Lady "Guess what? We went to another VBS a few days ago, then we got to come here and we're going to go to a different one next!"

The little shit outed me. Ed and I discovered that if we planned things right, we could have 3 hours of peace every night for the next few weeks by signing the girls up for VBS at several churches. Anna found out that one of her friends was going to VBS, so she begged to go as well. That's when the lightbulb went off in my sometimes functioning brain. I figure, hey...they want to go, and as long as they don't come home as mindless robots, I don't care about the denomination of the church. Well, with the exception of Scientology. Those crazy bastards can just keep their Xenu and the hydrogen bomb shit to themselves, thank you very much.

OK, so we don't win the Parents of the Year award, but we do get to consume massive quantities of alcohol while they are gone. The only problem is remembering who's turn it is to stay sober enough to pick them up.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury Like the Fat, Lazy Cat When Her Meal Is Late

We're just waiting for her head to start spinning and the pea soup to be spewed.

Monday, June 12, 2006

A Morning at the Park

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Oh, The Blond Jokes This Child is in For

I was sitting at our desk, writing a letter when I heard squeals of laughter coming from Cassie. I turned around to see what was cracking her up, and she ran past me, buck naked, with her panties off and hanging from the crack of her rear end. After dealing with Anna for almost six years, nothing shocks me anymore. So, I asked her calmly, "Cassie, what exactly are you doing?" She replies, "Look Mommy, I have a tail!" She cracked up again, turned around, and shook her booty at me.

Of course, this is the same kid, who a few weeks ago says, "Look! These are M&Ms, but they have W's on them!"

My little genius.